Wednesday, August 15, 2012

So Begins Another Two Week Wait

This time I am feeling hopeful though. Felt the ovulation twinge on my left side (where there the tube is good), I am not drinking any wine this time and am taking prenatal vitamins every night. I'm trying to be a good girl in an effort to sway the odds our way. To further this goal of doing things differently during this cycle, we avoided seeing people who have somehow always been around during the prime fertility time and therefore we have begun to foolishly blame them for our negative results each month, I'm trying to not think negative thoughts about Brat and Wife, and am allowing myself to feel hopeful. 

I started writing this post on Sunday, but today is Wednesday and I've lost all that optimism. Maybe I'm just tired, didn't eat enough, whatever, but I have been in and out of a low mood for the past two days. I'm angry, screaming at people in the car, feeling very irritated with Husband. Granted, this is how I typically feel, but it has been much worse lately. As a result, I am coping by eating sugar. Seems like I am determined to get really fat, because that certainly will make me feel better. Though I continue to exercise, it's not enough of a release. While I managed to not focus on Brat and Wife this weekend, yesterday and today I have been really stewing. It's so stupid, and I tell myself to stop, which I do, for about ten minutes. It happens when I start to think what if we don't get pregnant? Then I fall into that trap of it's not fair, all these idiots around us have babies, etc. My younger sister texted me out of the blue wanting to go to lunch this week, and to pay....that makes me think she is going to tell me big news that I don't want to hear. Husband and I have been feeling like the second round of babies is coming because the first are all 12 months or older. I'm not ready to handle that if we aren't even pregnant with our first. We are always for the other shoe to drop. Doesn't that sum up all of us going through this?

1 comment:

  1. The other shoe. It's always hanging there and we are always waiting for it to drop. It's a shitty feeling. I wonder if I'll ever be able to let it go. I suspect I am forever scarred from this journey.

    I'm sorry you're feeling negative and pissed off. The 2ww is a bitch. I am hoping that it's your last (and that you get other terrible wws to deal with).