Tonight I was reading Hope Deferred by Lady Grey Hope Deferred by Lady Grey and in her "About Me" section she mentioned how the blog is her secret world. That phrase really struck me because I often feel like infertility is a secret world, these horrible and painful experiences we go through we keep to ourselves and we feel isolated from the rest of the world. Those of us who have difficulty conceiving operate in two different universes; the one flush with babies and couples who have no idea that some struggle to conceive, and that full of pain, grief, heartbreak and resentment.
It is so unfair that some have no concept of what we go through. They constantly talk about their pregnancies, their babies, breastfeeding, labor, etc. They assume you are doing something wrong and that's why you don't have babies yet. They assume if you just ate differently, exercised more, prayed harder, stopped worrying, had more sex that you, too, would be pregnant.
Ignorance is no excuse. Lack of experience is no excuse. Sympathy, empathy, come from recognizing sorrow in someone else. You do not need to have lived through the same shitty experiences to acknowledge others face different circumstances. Our situation calls for awareness, sensitivity, kindness, but these are traits that so many humans cannot extend or do not hold. The funny thing is that while we are mired in our misery, suffering in our grief and frustration, we have a heightened awareness that others may be experiencing difficulty. Those who have everything they want with no effort are focused solely on themselves.
There is no one in my life who has experienced these hardships, so I turn to the authors of the blogs for comfort, support and kinship. Even though I may silently stalk the blogs and not comment or reach out, all of you have kept me going. You all offer reassurance that my husband and I are not going through this alone, navigating this secret world without a pilot. I am sorry that you are all dealing with this, but thank you for sharing. You may never know just how much you help.
It is so unfair that some have no concept of what we go through. They constantly talk about their pregnancies, their babies, breastfeeding, labor, etc. They assume you are doing something wrong and that's why you don't have babies yet. They assume if you just ate differently, exercised more, prayed harder, stopped worrying, had more sex that you, too, would be pregnant.
Ignorance is no excuse. Lack of experience is no excuse. Sympathy, empathy, come from recognizing sorrow in someone else. You do not need to have lived through the same shitty experiences to acknowledge others face different circumstances. Our situation calls for awareness, sensitivity, kindness, but these are traits that so many humans cannot extend or do not hold. The funny thing is that while we are mired in our misery, suffering in our grief and frustration, we have a heightened awareness that others may be experiencing difficulty. Those who have everything they want with no effort are focused solely on themselves.
There is no one in my life who has experienced these hardships, so I turn to the authors of the blogs for comfort, support and kinship. Even though I may silently stalk the blogs and not comment or reach out, all of you have kept me going. You all offer reassurance that my husband and I are not going through this alone, navigating this secret world without a pilot. I am sorry that you are all dealing with this, but thank you for sharing. You may never know just how much you help.
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