Thursday, August 9, 2012

Another Gut Punch

The idiot that I am, I checked Facebook last night on my way to bed. Yes, my last post mentioned how I hate Facebook and it is just full of other peoples babies and inane comments, but I can't help myself. Sure enough there was an announcement from this old coworker of mine, complete with photos of the four pee sticks she tested on. She is a mess of a woman, nice enough, but with many physical ailments and a whole lot of crazy and medications to tame that crazy. She recently married a much older man and now they are pregnant. Just barely pregnant.
Her posting it so early on upset me because it highlighted the fact that we, those of us struggling with fertility, will never be free to do something like that, outside of this community. We can share those early moments of joy together because we understand the other side of it. We know what it is like to want and hope and suffer loss and so we rejoice in one another's victories. We also know that things can suddenly change, and if the worst happens, we know that this community offers understanding and support. I thought, what if she loses the baby? What will she post then? What kind of support will her one million Facebook friends offer? To have to tell that many people that you are no longer pregnant...
Infertility, I have said before, robs us of those types of unfettered moments of joy. We will always have fear and doubt creeping around, even at our most happy and hopeful.  That fact only adds to the pain of hearing about someone else's pregnancy who has not endured what we have. How dare they have that kind of unencumbered happiness.

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