Saturday, August 25, 2012

Another Disappointment

Each month when I start my period, I pull the the box of tampons and panty liners to the front of the bathroom shelf, refill my Lancome makeup bag with feminine hygiene products and toss it in my purse. When my period ends, I remove that bag from my purse, place it on the bathroom shelf and rotate the OPKs to the front. The box of pregnancy tests always remains at the back.

Well, after a negative test last night and spotting today, I refilled that Lancome bag and put it in my purse. Had to stop at Whole Foods to resupply my stock and moved the OPKS back behind the tampons.

Today is Saturday and officially day 1 of my cycle. I can hardly breathe. I really believed we were pregnant this month. This has been so devastating that I can't even discuss details of emotions and what happened today. Guess that doesn't matter anyway, you all know what it feels like.

Reminds me that I have never seen a positive pregnancy test (at least my own) and justifies my choice of deactivating my Facebook account. It's too much. And next weekend where my bitch of a younger sister has her two year old's bday party on Saturday, and Precious has her first birthday on Sunday will be absolute hell. It will be a miracle if I don't kill someone, end up in jail or hurt myself. That sounds dramatic, but right now is how I feel. What a fucking shit storm.


  1. I am so sorry. I had full on tantrums when I got my period. It got horrible. And then I passed that phase about 7 months ago and stopped caring. I tell you this so you know there is a next phase coming (provided you don't get pregnant). This shit is all so horrible. The only time I have broken things as an adult was when I learned my SiL got pregnant lasy July. I broke 4 things in our house. Ouch.

  2. I'm so very sorry, it's a horrible repeating saga isn't it? I often think to myself when its time to top up on the hygene products "Maybe I won't need them this month". I am so very sorry :(

  3. First of all, thank you for the support you have shown me through this dark time. I an so sorry that this cycle didn't work for you