Friday, January 6, 2012

A Reprieve From Anger

I have been working on two other posts all week but just don't have the energy to continue them right now. They are full of anger, bitterness and my need to detail every bit of the painful New Year's weekend, the ridiculous conversations that resulted this week and to list all of the "crimes" Brat and Wife have committed against Husband and I. It's pathetic, really. I'm sure I will eventually tidy them up and post them, but right now it's too much negativity and it's making it difficult for me to focus on my job. All week the posts have been demanding my attention, constantly nagging at me to write more scathing comments about Wife or to rehash events from the past that have no bearing now and need to be forgotten.

Don't be mistaken, I'm not full of hope and joy today, I just don't want to be mired in my own pettiness today.

My cycle is on right on schedule, so we're definitely not pregnant this month. We didn't think we would be since it was the right ovary which would release an egg, so that meant no IUI and no real hope of a pregnancy. Still, it's disappointing that it didn't happen. It was my deepest hope that we would conceive on our own, without an IUI, so that the fertility treatments would have nothing to do with our baby. Just to know that our child was concieved naturally, no test tubes, catheters, nurses or flourescent lights would be nice. As if there will be a stigma attached to our child because of the fertility treatments. Silly fears.

I told myself last night it's better to not be pregnant than have another ectopic pregnancy. A small comfort.

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