First, I'm proud of myself. We were supposed to have a meal with the family including the newly pregnant wife of the terribly spoiled and selfish sibling of my husband (hereafter the Brat and Wife). We had managed to talk ourselves into behaving correctly, believing we could accept it, when they refused to give a date for dinner. They are simply too busy, too rude, too selfish to say "this day works, this day doesn't" so at the last minute we end up going without them (hallelujah). I spent the day with my husband's mother, while he, his father and cousin went out looking at motorcycles. Knowing how weird she has been about the whole thing, I brought it up, wanting to get it out in the open. Previously I had thought she was acting strange about it because she knew how much we wanted a child, and that we had been trying for some time, etc. But no, she shared why she had been so awkward about the whole thing. The Brat is shocked, scared for himself, for the fact that his life will change and he will no longer be the center of attention. He won't be able to travel at the drop of a hat, can't spend every weekend with his frat brothers getting sloppy, while his wife does the same with her vapid, bulimic girlfriends. They didn't want to tell too many people, therefore they ruined my mother-in-law's joy.
She mentioned that the Wife was worried that I (along with her pregnant friend) would be upset. I didn't respond. Of course I'm upset- everything happens for them without effort. The worst part is, they aren't even grateful. But to prove just how "okay" I am with the whole thing, I took my mother-in-law to the toy store down the street and purchased the cutest stuffed animal I've seen to give to the Brat and Wife. So I listened and watched as my mother-in-law picked up and cooed over everything in the store. Was that painful to see, knowing it was for the Brat and Wife? Hell yes, but it was necessary. These are two high maintenance people who make more money and spend more money than most people I know on clothes and cars. Naturally I was worried about the gift-was it nice enough for them? My mother-in-law assured me it was all in my head and agreed to give the stuffed animal to them since the Brat works with them and they live very close to them. That was Saturday-it's Tuesday and we've heard nothing from them.
I know that you don't give a gift just for the reward, but c'mon. Between texts and Facebook, it doesn't take much effort to acknowledge a gift.
I'm still envisioning my oft-practiced speeches in responses to their careless remarks. Comments that I'll never be able to make because the Brat and Wife won't give me the opportunity, no matter how badly I want it. The chance to spew my frustration, disgust and anger at the people who seem to have all the luck, who get all the things I want without even trying, praying or wishing.
It's hard to say what's worse-that no one really acknowledges our struggle or that despite knowing it, they don't address it. I've got a bitter speech prepared, either way.
Thursday my husband and I have our first visit at the fertility clinic. There are alot of mixed emotions about this. I'll post more about that later.