Crazy

I think its official. I've lost my mind to the so called biological clock. I have become that cliche. It's getting worse, and without me even trying. We are out and I see families with one three year old, then a two year old and a pregnant mom, I think how greedy they are. Ugh, when did I become so pathetic?! As if these families having more than one kid somehow has anything to do with us not having one. It's flat out ridiculous and ugly.

Tonight we visited with our friends who had their son two weeks ago. It was the first time we've seen them since their ordeal, and it was alright. They were actually interested in our life, and what we've been up to- the conversation was not just about their baby. We kept it brief, these are exhausted parents who simply needed a short visit and a hot meal made for them. It is easy to be with them because they have never been self-centered, and they are grateful for the blessing of their son, despite the fact his birth was nothing like they planned. Just like the parents of our godchild, they had planned a natural birth which turned into a c-section, only this time it was four weeks early. Luckily everyone is doing well, and learning to adjust to unplanned c-section.

This mom we visited today was my movie buddy. Now I've lost her to the baby, which has brought her closer to the parents of our godchild, and I feel even more isolated. Even if we get pregnant soon, the last thing I want is advice from all these women who got the privilege of having a child before we did. Who think they know what is right, good, and who are full of ideas to share, when all I want is to experience this joy alone with Husband. To have something private and wonderful that belongs to just us. Now, if it ever happens, it will not be just us. It will be infected with everyone else's experiences, their advice and commentary.